On last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy, one of the medical interns, Sadie, discovered how much knowledge she lacked as a result of her preference to "learn on her feet". One of the residents, George, called her out on this fact and deemed her as a danger to patients. Sadie reminds me of myself.
Throughout my time in nursing school, I have not studied as much as I should have and I know I do not possess the knowledge that I ought to. I often cannot answer questions that I should know the answers to. I feel inept, but I am aware that it is all because of my inability to study. Sure, I can get good grades because I am a ridiculously successful crammer (thanks to my good short-term memory), but what I've come to realize is I really should not be studying for good grades--I should be studying so I can become a competent healthcare professional instead of the clueless nursing student that I am.
I've known this about myself for some time. Sometimes I wonder why I can't find the drive to learn about pathophysiology, pharmacology, diseases, etc. I have lost my ability to read from a textbook altogether. Reading textbooks are torturous and I usually end up falling asleep or giving up. It wasn't always like this. I used to read textbooks in high school for every subject. Do I just not like nursing? Have I become so lazy that I cannot even muster up some sort of motivation to increase my knowledge base?
It's no secret that I transferred into NYU's nursing program for foolish reasons. I had wanted to become a nurse anesthetist so I could make tons of money, but I seem to have grown away from this path, which has subsequently stirred more confusion into my already largely incoherent mind. Now, I'm just completely lost.
Some people in my program are so passionate about nursing and seem so excited about it all the time. Regretfully, I do not possess that same energy and enthusiasm. I would be lying if I said I love nursing. I do not enjoy my clinicals and I am terrible with patients. Most of the time they like me, but I feel disconnected from them. Also, I'm just not good with strangers. I hate small talk. I am impatient and I lack compassion--which are probably crucial characteristics a nurse should have. It seems like I'm just not interested in all of this.
What did I get myself into?
5 comments:
You are better with patients than you think. it's so easy to get shit faced by anyone (patient, PCT, instructors...anyone) right now..because you are a deemed student and you wear a uniform depicting you as such, and so the expectations generated from yourself and everyone else may cause you to underestimate your abilities and fuck up (well this is how i feel sometimes when things dont work out so well at work or clinicals)...
And also you dont realize it but you really do know more than you give yourself credit for. most often we know how things happen..but we cant really explain. maybe it has to do with waht interests you. You really seem to have appreciated that critical care class...cuz when i listen to you explain things at our nclex sessions or whenever..i can see you channeling kamen :)
but anyway, i hope that you figure out where you want to go with ur nrsg career. It's ok that you feel the way you do, but also know that you are not the only one who thinks like that. I say a lot of bullshit about my "plans" for the future..but i know anything could change along the way. unfortuneately clinicals do suck ass and so theres no good basis of comparison of what type of nrsg is a better fit for you as opposed to another. the only advice i can think of is to follow your instinct. you know what you're good at and to some extent what you want or what you dont want/like. Start somewhere and you'll figure things out along the way. You are a very talented and intelligent girl, and you have an awesome personality (it wasnt until winter break that i realized how good you are at bringing people together! that is an admirable quality...). Whatever it is you do, you'll get very far :)
Have an open mind and don't close any doors until you've worked for a year or two. Do not put much stock on the clinicals, and if anything use the rest of the semester to have more self-awareness of what you can improve on and try to improve yourself within reason.
From my very short stint of full-time work I realized that even a good education is no preparation to real work. What does help is one's sense of professionalism of wanting to learn, asking questions, and doing your best to do right.
I think this happens to most people. It happens. You just gotta keep telling yourself that you love this profession, that you WANT to help people, that you need to learn these things in order to help them. You're a good person, so I'm sure you have compassion for most people. Not every nurse I see at the hospital is compassionate or patient... the majority of them are just there because they just wanted a job. Do you think you'd be happier doing something else? The way I see it, work is work. If you happen to love it, good. If you happen to not like it, find a hobby outside of work to keep yourself happy. There's always a way out in life... CHIN UP! =)
what the xanga all over again!
Post a Comment